What to Do When You’re Thinking About Ending the Marriage
December 5, 2017
If you have found yourself seriously considering ending your marriage, it’s a tough place to be. It might feel as though, if you stay, you’ll be committing to an unsatisfying marriage, and you just don’t know what to do or if you even have the energy to try and improve it. If this is you, here’s what to do.
Identify the Problem
Simply saying ‘I’m not happy’, isn’t sufficient. You need to closely examine what exactly the issues are. Having a firm understanding of what is making you unhappy is the first step to fixing it. Write it all down, and work out what changes need to be made to each of those points in order for you to feel more satisfied with your marriage. Be specific.
It’s the backbone of every relationship, and in most cases the first to deteriorate. It’s important to talk when the situation is calm, a good method might be to schedule a time with each other to sit down and talk. Focus on listening more than you talk, and be open to ideas and suggestions. Don’t be negative or shut things down, otherwise communication is going to end.
Change Your Behaviour
Focus on what is within your control. Take the steps to make some of your own changes, and spend your energy focusing on your own goals and happiness. The changes may just inspire their own changes in your partner.
Ignore Influencing Advice
Friends and family may mean well, but it’s your marriage and only you and your partner can truly know whether or not it’s something you want to end or try and fix. Don’t let their words influence your attitude towards the situation. Your marriage should take priority, don’t let your emotions attach to the easier options or the easier influences. Fixing a marriage takes energy and fight, so remove the distractions that are influencing your decisions.
Professional help, such as marriage counselling, can help you find your way back to a happy marriage. If you are on the fence about staying or leaving, getting counselling – even individual counselling – could save your marriage. It can help you to decide what is ultimately the healthiest and most satisfactory decision for you and your partner.
Talking about your problems and maintaining open lines of communication keeps relationships strong and functioning. At CPCCPC, we understand that healthy relationships are not always easy to achieve, and that is why we are here to help.
The CPCCPC team are experienced, accredited psychologists with years of marriage counselling and marriage therapy experience. We invite you to read about our comprehensive Psychology and Counselling services and contact our Gold Coast office today if you wish to discuss your situation in confidence.
Deborah Marshall Deeth
B.Nursing, B.A. (Psych),
B.Soc.Sc (Psych Hons), MAPS
We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools...